how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Small penises have feelings too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
