and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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