she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
