The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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