I CAN MOONWALK!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
