Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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