Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize