You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
