Dual....:-)
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
