We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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