a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
