please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize