its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
