Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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