It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
