Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
