How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
whose parrot is this?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
