I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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