just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
