For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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