never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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