Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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