just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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