I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
