So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dick very happy bro
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
