dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
