First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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