people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
