Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
