Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
