Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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