R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
