ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
