i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
