I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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