so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
