well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
