Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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