First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
