so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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