The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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