So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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