so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
