cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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