Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
