I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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