I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize