Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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