just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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