I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
