with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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