If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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