Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
