At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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