i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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