plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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