Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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