that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
