well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
