Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
