In the future we'll all be gay
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
