Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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