I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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