You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
