new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
