you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
