He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
