Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
