drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
