He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
