just survived the first fart of the relationship.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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